So it turns out writing a blog is way harder than I thought! Not that I don’t have any stories to share, it’s just that so much is happening I don’t know where to start! There are so many different areas to share about too, like what I am practically doing here, all of my adventure-fun-time stories, and the more philosophical aspects of what I’ve been thinking and how God has been moulding me and what he has been teaching me. And they are all connected so I can’t even just choose one area to talk about. If I have an exciting revelation from God, I can’t just talk about that without explaining the crazy story that led me there, but to tell the story you would have to understand what I’ve been up to, but to tell you what I’ve been up to I would have to talk about what God placed on my heart to be working in those ministries and on and on and on. So usually when I sit down to write I just get confused and sleepy and end up having a nap instead. But today I had an epiphany, if I write in the morning I won’t be able to give up and sleep!
I still don’t know where to start though, and now I have a month’s worth of stories. And I don’t want to leave any of them out and have them feel sad, so I will briefly tell you about everything! I went to a rural town, an extremely poor place with one room huts the size of my laundry room for a 5 person family. I played with the orphans of Children of Hope at an amazing Christmas party which featured water balloons and a slip and slide. I have spent time soaking up the sun and getting to know the girls I’m staying with. I went to a youth event where dancing is encouraged, so weird. I have seen demons, and they shudder when we praise Jesus. I have seen true desperation as a woman begged my friend to keep her one month old baby because she was not able to support him as well as her two toddlers. I’ve met people who have opened up their hearts and homes to orphans left by the AIDS pandemic. I have been a part of a church that is leading the community in ending racism by loving their neighbours as themselves, with no partiality, as blacks and whites sit together at church as friends, something unheard of, even in other churches in Mutare. And I chased a lion. On foot.
It’s been a busy month, and in it I have felt joy and sorrow, love and enmity, courage and cowardice, patience and anger, I have been in wonder and felt commonplace. And let me tell you, all of those juxtaposing emotions can be quite overwhelming for someone whose usual bag of emotions contains only three items, happy, frustrated and hungry. But it has been good. I am learning and growing and stretching and it feels like each day God is finding a new way to reveal his goodness and his might and majesty to me.
Along with a deeper knowledge of the immensity of God, has come a better understanding of my own seeming triviality and my dependency on Him for all things. (I say seeming because the creator of the universe knit me together, knew me before I was born, called me to him and died for me, I can’t be all that trivial right?) But anyways, I’ve come to realize that before coming here I had a sort of expectancy that once in Africa working with the church I would just automatically be closer to God and know exactly what he was saying all the time and I would just be more loving and knowledgeable and just instantly Super-Christian since I am a Missionary and all. Of course I never thought it out like that, if I had I would hopefully have realized how ridiculous that notion is, but these things have a way of creeping into our minds without us being fully aware. I have a tendency to feel like if I just do this one thing, if I take one step of obedience, if I am walking the right Christian walk, God will just be close. I will suddenly just be hearing from God all the time, and have crazy supernatural insight into what he wants for my life. But it’s not like that. Like any close relationship, I have to work at it, everyday. Every day I must ask God for strength and forgiveness and for an open heart. Constantly speaking to him and being in communion with him is the only way I will ever be able to see and respond to the things he puts in my path. I must hear from him in order to walk in the good works which he has prepared for me beforehand. On days when I really take this to heart, I can move mountains.
“Therefore I tell you, do not be anxious about your life, what you will eat or what you will drink, nor about your body, what you will put on. Is not life more than food, and the body more than clothing? Look at the birds of the air: they neither sow nor reap nor gather into barns, and yet your heavenly Father feeds them. Are you not of more value than they? ... Therefore do not be anxious, saying, ‘What shall we eat?’ or ‘What shall we drink?’ or ‘What shall we wear?’ For the Gentiles seek after all these things, and your heavenly Father knows that you need them all. But seek first the kingdom of God and his righteousness, and all these things will be added to you.
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